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It is February, which means we are drawing close to the ever polarizing day that is the 14th. Some people love this day, like my 20-year-old daughter who says if you don’t love the day you don’t love love. So basically, if you don’t like Valentine’s Day you are the equivalent of Ebeneezer Scrooge. Of course, there are those who feel like the day has just been commercialized by big business so that they can prosper on the emotion of love. No matter if you are for it or against it, the day still comes, restaurant reservations will be through the roof, and florists will celebrate one of their biggest days of the year.
So it is a day that relationships are celebrated no matter if we like it or not. The key for me as I reflected on the day is the word “relationships.” Of course those relationships could be significant-other relationships, but they can also be relationships we have across our lives. Those connections with other people drive our lives no matter who we are. We have relationships with spouses, friends, coworkers, on social media, with the store clerk, the mailman, and on and on. With that in mind, I felt like February was a perfect time to talk about relationships, and to talk about them from both sides: what we need to get and what we need to give. That is why this blog is in two parts. Through my many years, many mistakes, and many prayers, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are a couple of things that everyone should look for when growing all important relationships. No matter if that is someone you work with or you will buy a home with in the future, these two things are something that cause lasting, fulfilling bonds, and can be grown and nurtured throughout any relationship.
Through pain and some regret, I’ve learned that relationships need to be making us the best versions of ourselves. Some of you just read this and out loud said, “duh, Noah.” It does seem so obvious, until you look at it a little closer. The best version of ourselves is much more than just a better version. Many know that I am a coach. I’ve been coaching softball for over 20 years. Early on in my coaching career, I had a mentor that taught me a lot about coaching. The problem was he did this laced with profanities. When he talked to me, when he talked to players, it was just part of who he was. Before long that type of language was creeping into my coaching. I went through ups and downs because of this and had to change my coaching philosophy to become the best version of a coach I could be. That mentor taught me a lot. There were certain things about the finer points of the game that I still use today. However, even though I was better, I wasn’t the best version of myself.
Another funny thing that happens with that best version thing is, it continues to grow. At 25, I wasn’t capable of being the best version of the self that I am today. Ephesians 4:2 says to “always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowances for each other’s faults because of your love.” Of course this is a good reminder for us, and we’ll talk about that more in Part 2, but that also should be the kind of people we surround ourselves with. If those whom we have relationships with are following this blueprint, then we will have a helping hand to lift us up to that best version. Without these types of individuals in our life, it becomes so much more difficult to grow through our mistakes. We are designed to be relational. Relational with God and relational with each other. I know that without my wife and some of my friends, I could not be the best version of myself right now. God has placed people in my life to have relationships with. He has a plan for us and that plan includes these types of people, Ephesians 4:2 people.
Of course life isn’t always full of tears and growing. Life is chock full of different things that elicit different responses throughout any given day. Just think…probably today you’ve already been stressed, gotten angry, felt overworked, needed a nap, drank too much coffee, and apologized six times and it’s not even 10 in the morning. There is something else we drastically need from those we are in a relationship with and that is laughter, or at least the capability to make us smile.
Reader’s Digest told us years ago that laughter is the best medicine, but in today’s world the breakneck speed at which things get done doesn’t lend itself to slowing down a bit to laugh. Those relationships that bring a smile and/or laughter are the best. Psalm 126:2 says, “We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And other nations said, ‘What amazing things the Lord has done for them.'” How important laughter must be if it was even used as a witness to others!
There is nothing I love more than when my wife and I have the time to laugh. I truly love to hear her laugh; it breaks through all of the walls I’ve built throughout the day and allows me the ability to laugh as well.
I am an English teacher by day. This means I’m a bit of a nerd at times. Coach and nerd all wrapped into one. I have a group of guys that I work with and once a month we get together and play board games. I guess they’re kinda nerds as well, but we get together and spend an evening playing games and laughing up a storm. I don’t tell you this to say you should be playing games – to each his own – but rather to point out that these friends cause me to laugh, they lift my spirits, and in turn this truly helps me be the best version of myself. After all, Jesus hung out with 12 guys and I’ve got to believe they laughed, a lot.
You might have thought of other things I could have put into this blog, but I’ve gone through a lot to realize that these types of relationships are the best. It doesn’t matter if it’s the love of your life or the people you hang out with in the lunchroom at work; if they laugh with you and make you the best version of yourself, hold on to them, because people like that really aren’t a dime a dozen.
Until next week when I discuss how a funeral enlightened me to everything we need to be for others, have a great day.
So good brother. 💜