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Last Sunday a guest pastor delivered a message on overcoming failure. It was a wonderful sermon on not only mistakes we’ve made but also on those failure traps of pride and getting stuck thinking of the past. He showed us how these traps keep us from allowing the redemption of the Lord to take place.
Later that day I found myself thinking about this message and knowing it fit me and what I did so well, but also remembering something someone told me a while back. It was shortly after I had been diagnosed with MS and a pastor was discussing my situation with me. This pastor had many good things to say, but perhaps the thing that stuck with me the most was, “Noah, you haven’t forgiven yourself.”
At first this seemed so strange. I mean I didn’t choose for me to have this disease. But we all know that as we play the “what if” game, we can blame ourselves for many things. After this was said to me, I began to realize that internally I was beating myself up because I had gotten this disease. That pastor was oh, so right.
As I reflected on the failure sermon, I not only was reminded of a past conversation dealing with MS, but I also saw how these pastor’s words revealed that forgiving yourself applied to so much. I mean how can anyone ever get unstuck from the past, if they are reliving failures for years and years, never forgiving themselves? Maybe you even realize that Jesus has forgiven you, but that black stain still haunts your mind because you can’t forgive yourself. Because of this, many like me are not allowing God’s healing redemptive power to restore them.
As I continued my reflection, it became so clear. How can we move on if we can’t forgive ourselves? How can we let God do what He does when we won’t get out of His way?
Some of us are great at forgiving. We forgive others at the drop of a hat. However, when it comes to forgiving ourselves, well, that’s another story. We rehash and rehash whatever the failure might be until it is so large in our own mind, forgiving and moving on is near impossible.
I know there are mistakes that I made 30 years ago that I still beat myself up about. Although I can see how God has moved and taken the results of that failure, impacting myself and others through his redemptive grace, I still go through periods when I relive that failure. Never letting go, never forgiving myself. This really made me wonder if anyone really wants to or has the capacity to forgive themselves?
Some might say, “Of course I want to forgive myself,” but that isn’t often true. We carry the guilt or shame around with us so long that it becomes like a tattoo we got in our 20s; we may want to get rid of it, but it’s there and in many ways we feel it is part of us and who we are no matter what.
That failure is part of us. God has used it to shape and mold us and others, but when the reshaping takes place, we aren’t the same anymore. That mistake should not continue to define us or haunt us. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we are told that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone. That means throughout your life with Christ, He is constantly making you new.
Proverbs 24 tells us that a Godly man may trip up seven times but because of God will continue to get up. We don’t quit having failures when we follow Jesus, but He continues to pick us up and make us new in Him. If He does this, and He forgives us, shouldn’t we forgive ourselves?
God also tells us in scripture that we have rest that only He can give. That rest is the assurance of His forgiveness. How can we have that rest when we won’t forgive ourselves as God has already done? There is no rest when your mind won’t let you forgive a mistake of the past.
Maybe the root of the problem isn’t the failure itself but rather our response. If we know God has forgiven us, not forgiving ourselves turns into a lack of faith above all else. If we really know and believe God has forgiven us, then we should forgive ourselves. If the King of Glory, the creator of the universe, Alpha and Omega has let it go, why can’t we?
I know this is something that I have to fix. I’m not sure how to do this but to take it to the Lord in prayer. I need to have a serious one-on-one with my Heavenly Father and admit that I’m still struggling with several failures in my life. I need to tell Him that I know in my heart that He has forgiven me and ask Him to give me the faith to let my mind accept the same thing and to therefore forgive myself and eliminate this albatross hanging around my neck.
So that’s my challenge in the next month — to really take this to Him. I hope you will do the same, because if He has forgiven us, I feel confident He wants us to have the faith to forgive ourselves. Until next time…
I can relate, brother. It’s because forgiving yourself feels like letting yourself off the hook, which we don’t think is for us. Which is your point. The Lord has taken responsibility for your forgiveness. I struggle as well.
Amen, thanks for reading. We need to get together soon.