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Well, it has been a crazy month. Some ghoulish virus landed in my gut, and I am still not over it. It has been just about four weeks now, and I have to say, I’m sick of being sick! Being immune compromised because of my MS doesn’t help speed things up any. On top of that, infections mess with my MS something fierce. Although it may sound like it right now, this month’s blog is not a pity party for Noah. It is more of a “how do you handle your relationship with God when you’re stuck in the middle of a life storm?”
Trials and tribulations come up in life often. Some are serious, some just make us take a detour and hit traffic, but all are inconvenient. The little detours we normally get through with no problem. We pray our way through, and many of us even give God the glory, which we should. But what about when it’s bigger than just a detour? How do we handle it when that storm derails us? I know for me that as this has just kept going on, instead of leaning in to God as I should, I have become more distant.
Of course this is the exact opposite of what I should do, but I’m not sure how to keep staying strong when my levels of frustration and anger grow. I mean, at first I was locked in. “God, please help me through this day. I can’t make it without your strength. Please heal my body.” I prayed similar prayers every morning, noon and night. My trust that God would take care was there. He had in the past, so why not now?
However, I must admit that as this has drug on and on, my prayers have lacked in their fervor. I’m still praying, but as far as anything else, not really. I’m not spending time in His Word; my prayers, when they come, are all focused on me; and to be honest, I’m frustrated with this illness, but I’m also frustrated with God. I have to go for tests on November 5 to see if this is something chronic. The thought of having something else that would be ongoing makes me just want to say, “really, God?”
I know that Satan wants to keep me in this spot. My frustration with God is Satan’s glee. He wants to keep me from the Lord at all costs. I know this, but it is still happening. So over the last few days, I’ve been looking for some answers to how to deal with this slipping away when you really should be pulling closer. I’ve come up with some things that have helped me some, and I hope to help you if you are in a similar situation.
There is always somebody who has it worse than you.
This may sound morose, but it is really true. Sometimes God gives us reminders of this by allowing us a glimpse into someone else’s world. A good friend of mine has some serious family issues going on. Things that make you stay up all night, wring your hands, and cry buckets of tears. Fear, anxiety, desperation – all of these came through loud and clear as my friend talked to me about what had been going on.
As I listened, I felt somewhat foolish for my griping and complaining about being ill. Does this illness suck? Well, yes. Does it affect every aspect of my life and cause friction in my family that will go on and on? No. I’m not belittling anyone’s problems. Sometimes we need a reminder that God is at work in many different situations and yours may not be as bad as you think. It’s just hard to see that when you’re sitting in the middle of it.
Pay attention to whom God sends your way.
Of course, God sent my wife to me 32 years ago. But He knew each time I would need her. It isn’t by accident that she is there to remind me of the positives that have happened in the past week, even if I don’t see them. Because again, when you’re stuck in a storm you tend to focus on the negative. Those people who point out the positives are a Godsend, and we need to realize that. Like the apostle Peter, it is easy to focus on the attributes of the storm rather than the Lord.
As I thought about this blog, I realized all the people God has used over the last several weeks just for me. My assistant coaches and fellow teachers stepped up for me in ways that were unbelievable. A friend of mine just the other day sent me a song with the simple message, “Luv you bro.” Last night, in the midst of utter frustration because I wasn’t feeling well again, I received a text that was a specific prayer over me and for my next week.
As I read that text, I began to weep, because even if my prayers were lacking as of late, the Lord was still sending prayer warriors on my behalf. The Bible is laced with stories where people seem to show up just when needed. God never changes, and He is still sending His agents to help; we just need to recognize the fact.
It is a choice we have to make.
One way or another, we are making a choice. When this all started, I was choosing to trust God and pray big prayers. As this has worn on, I’ve made a different choice. Maybe it wasn’t me consciously saying, “I don’t trust you anymore,’” but my actions speak loudest. This isn’t a choice I want to make, but I’ve let myself slip into a choice nonetheless. I’ve even asked myself over the past couple of weeks, “how do I lean in rather than pull away?” The simple answer is, you just do.
A very wise man told me when I was going through some similar feelings after my MS diagnosis, that you just can’t stop. He said, “even when you don’t feel like praying, pray anyway. Even if you’re upset with God, pray anyway. Even when reading the Bible or worshiping God is the furthest thing from your mind, do it anyway and see what God does.” This man is a great friend and prayer warrior and I need to take his words to heart more than I have.
I don’t know what will come of all of this or what the upcoming test will show. What I do know is that when I’ve looked back, I have seen Jesus all over these past few weeks. I know that as I continue through this storm, I’m going to try and be more like the Peter whose eyes were set on Jesus while he walked on water, rather than the Peter who noticed all the negative around him and so he sank. I hope maybe this has been a reminder for you, or possibly just what you needed at just the right time. Until next month….
Great blog my brother! Please let me know the results of your test from the 5th. Prayers are in the air bubba and will stay there as long as they’re needed. Love you!